Late-Night Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's leading comedians spent their broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, called the "golden visa," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday jingle directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he touches."

The focus was the new program that permits international individuals to acquire U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" version for 5 million. An official portal promises approval "faster than ever."

"A quick note for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the program is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval numbers during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.